Poop Wars

Of all the things you need to prepare yourself for when it comes to your new little baba, poop needs to be at the top of that list!!!

There will be great days and then there will be shitty days…literally.

"There will be great days and then there will be shitty days…literally."

Poop Wars take 1: Her first bath – it was all smooth sailing until the last minute and then the smooth sailing turned into a splattered thunderstorm. As we lifted her out of the bath, she released on her freshly painted pink wall, giving it some serious abstract character. We laughed uncontrollably.

Poop Wars take 2: In the car – we were running extremely late (as new parents always do) for her first Paediatrician appointment. As I lifted her out of the car chair, it was followed by my wife’s horrified voice “OH MY #@%&” I paused, and holding her in mid-air, I looked down. Shit was everywhere…and I mean everywhere! There was clearly a mini explosion in her nappy – a silent one because we didn’t hear a thing. It was so bad that the poop had made its way up her back and almost took hold of her face. The horror! It defies physics. It defies logic. But it happens…and to think she slept peacefully the whole way there?

We need to go home and bath her, was our first thought, but then realized there was really no time. A chill ran through me at the thought of having to take her to her first appointment in nothing but a nappy, but thanks to my genius wife, we had a selection of clean and neatly packed outfits to choose from. #Winning. Almost 2 packs of wetwipes later, we were on our way with a beautifully smelling baby. As long as no one returned to the car with us we will be ok!

Poop Wars take 3: About to leave for work – Running late for work but decided to quickly change her nappy while Milly packed my lunch. WORSE. IDEA. EVER. I seriously got the bottom end of a good deed. Poop was everywhere. Another shower and another set of work clothes later and I was finally ready to leave. What I took from this: Never change a nappy without a clean one in hand – Let’s call this the “duck and cover” manoeuvre

My mother-in-law gave me a handy Poop Changing Tool Kit at our Baby shower, I thought it was a cute, fun gesture, but I now know it was meant with serious intent. I will be using the poop kit going forward!